1st week home

our first week was dreamy.
matty and i divided and conquered.
i got the sweet pink chubby baby.
he got the rambunctious duo.

i love my husband so much.
and he really is such a presh dada.
so much so that the twins would take him over me any day of the week.
he got up with them every morning.
he asked me every five minutes if i needed anything.
and he sprang into action and peeled the twins off of my aching body as they jumped on me.
or the baby.

watching him with my babes?
it really is my favorite thing.

and one morning i woke up to this.

girlfriend hates when her feet and hands are dirty.
hence the scowl.

seriously?

how cute is that?
i know.
so cute.

i just wish i could walk in the back yard to find a pot of gold so matty could stay home and play with us forever.
i'm sure he does too.
ha
ha

i really love that boy.

Magic

i never knew how much i would enjoy writing this blog when i began.
i started it purely to freeze time the only way i knew how.
to capture memories and put them into words.

it's so hard to stay in the now.
but i have been trying.
tracing and memorizing every little line indented in her hands and feet from being so overcooked.

i know this will probably be my last chance to soak up the mind dizzying miracle that is a newborn
so that is exactly what i am doing.
soaking.
it.
up.


i know in the very near future my sweet stella
won't need tiny mittens.
or sleep in a teeny ball of perfection on my chest.
i won't be able to feel her tiny little fontanels because her bones will grow together making her skull.
she won't have that pure sweet newborn smell.
she won't need to be covered in a blanket 24 hours a day.
or swaddled.
she won't make precious little animal noises when she is drifting in and out of her peaceful newborn sleep.
and
she won't bury her head in my neck like fitting like the last little missing piece to complete my puzzle.

she'll be up and running before i know it.
and i know how fast it goes.

when she came out i thought how could she be so small?
the twins were two pounds smaller.
and while i remember their first few weeks, when i close my eyes i can't see it.
i want to be able to see it.
and remember every emotion.
the fear.
the excitement.
the feeling of unbelievable gratitude for a healthy baby.
knowing my body not only made
but
also brought this tiny miracle into this big crazy place.
waking up every few minutes to make sure she is still breathing.
laying in my bed with her and knowing right now, my only responsibility is to feed, love and change her.
that's it.
feed
love
and change.

having a baby is just mind blowing.
you think you've got your emotions in check throwing around the
"been there done that with two at the same time" mentality.
but
nothing can prepare you for labor and giving birth to an actual living and breathing baby.
a new baby casts a spell on you that is arguably one of the greatest feelings of all time.

some days it is so easy to get caught up in the difficulty conducting the train that is my life.

with the twins not understanding that this baby is not a toy
or by standing on the table because they know i can't get up while i'm feeding the baby
it's easy to loose my cool.
i get frustrated and send them off
and then i miss them.

they're adjusting, too.
i need to remember that.
so we're rolling on the best way i know how.
by just keepin' on.

i know i complain.
and some days i do think i have it hard.
but like everything else in life, it could be so much worse.

and just as i am teetering the line of will a glass bottle of wine fix this
or
do i actually need a short stint at an insane asylum
i am reminded of what i have.
and i wouldn't trade this life for anything.

children are magic.
and all three of mine have me under quite a beautiful spell.

wordless wednesday posted on thursday.

i'm allowed to be late. i just had a baby.

here are a few of my favorite pics so far.

1st day home

we made it.
we're home.
with only a few minor issues.

chloe has a fever and a little cold.

which is awesome.
i mean, wouldn't you want to bring your spankin' new baby fresh out of the oven home to a germ pool?

colton tried to pull off stella's umbilical cord and then he got a little overzealous during a feeding session.

and chloe thought hitting her in her face was acceptable.

stella has been so peaceful.
she really is a dreamy baby.

matt took the twins on a little shopping spree today.
that was the first time he has taken the twins anywhere.
ever.
by himself.
yup, i'm serious.
it only took 17 months.
he always said he was "scared".
nice try, buddy.

it was so quiet.
and then they came home.

and she was already over it.
so she covered her ears and said i'm done with this mess.
i say she stayed inside for so long because she could hear in there.
and the alternative?
are you nuts?
i agree, girlfriend. i agree.

so in order to avoid further physical altercations,
this is where she will reside for now.

displayed like a caged zoo animal.

where they can look.
and not touch.

until they find a way.

and they will

find a way.

the name game

She is here.
Baby Stella is here.

We knew we loved Stella but I had such a hard time really committing to a name.
I knew the meaning of Stella was star and decided to search it on one of my favorite baby name websites because they give other fun facts about the name when you search it.

And then I searched my name, Marissa, for fun.

I have always been told my name meant star of the sea
but
when I saw that
Marissa
was a variation of Maris, I clicked on Maris and found the following:

"Maris is an unusual and appealing name. It comes from the phrase

"Stella Maris,"

star of the sea,

one of the many epithets of the

Virgin Mary."

Reading that pulled on my heart strings.
And I was kind of done.

Chloe is named Chloe James, after Matt's middle name so now I get a little love with sweet baby Stella.

So
here she is.
Our brand new sweet baby.

Stella Maris Stratton

Born August 12, 2011

at 9:09 pm

at 8 pounds 6 ounces and 20.25 inches long.

Being that she isn't even 24 hours old yet it is too early for me to tell you how perfect she is because you'll tell me that it will change.

But I'll do it anyway.

She latched on like a pro when she was 5 minutes old.

She has made two noises since she was born.

She has slept more in 23 hours than both of my 17 month old twins combined.

And she just melts your heart with her sleepy and cuddly ways.

She must really want that car.

Welcome to this big and crazy world you sweet girl.

I had no idea how bad we needed you.



10 days

here we wait

on a day where cupcakes, pacys and blankees are a necessity.

and diaper changes and clothing are a luxury.

and yes that is my big 41.5 week belly in the pic.

because I am still pregnant

oh sweet baby.

on days like this i don't blame you for staying inside.

i promise your brother and sister don't always act like this.

we have already exhausted our final resource, the pool.

but that privilege was quickly taken away due to repetitive rock throwing.

matt and i are so looking forward to our mini vacation in the hospital.

and no, we're not kidding.

4tyONE weeks

I thought I published this yesterday. Oops.

Yup.
Here we are.
The baby and me.
WE are still a WE.
Because she is still inside of me.
I'm in a bad place today.
I want her to come.
On her own.
I'm not a full on hippy but I like to think of myself as mildly healthy.
I'm kind of a hippy when it comes to the health of my kids.
Like I will eat mac n cheese and they eat spinach and grilled chicken.
But that's because I love them more than I love me.
A lot more.

That said I don't like inductions.
I was induced with the twins at 38 and a half weeks so I have been there.
But I don't like anything about them.
Especially early inductions.
And I don't like how they are pretty much mainstream now.
Unless they are medically necessary, obviously.


I have my reasons but I am not here to preach.
I'm here to vent.

My doctors will allow me to go 14 days past my due date.
I am now 7 days past.
I try to be more healthy when I have babies in my belly.
Except I drank coffee this pregnancy starting at 20 weeks.
I'm sorry sweet pea.
Your brother and sister were too much to deal with while you were sweetly trying to grow so innocently in my body.

But
Unfortunately I'm not in control of when she comes.
And it makes me sad.
I want what is best for her.
So I'm sad that we only have 7 days left to get her out.
And I'm sad that I have to take my twins to get shots in an hour.
I'm emotional.
For no reason really.
Except for that I have control issues.
With the best intentions.
And I have no control.
So come out.
On your own.
So I can stop crying.

On a good note, Colton keeps coming up to me and puts his forehead against mine and smiles every time I cry.
He is the biggest angel bully I have ever met.
And I love it.

the twins

oooookaaay.

"they" might be right.

or
the twins might be beginning to realize they are so 2010.

and miss 2011is going to make an appearance any day now.

i threaten them with that, you know.
i tell them they have competition.
and whether that is right or wrong i don't care.
by the time they discover that they need therapy they will most likely be on their own.
it's all about making it through the day around here.



either way. they have been a delight.
no.
for real.

like i would hang out with them even if i wasn't their mom.

they are like little mini adorable adults.

that listen

sometimes

and they caaa-rack each other up.

reason #6,327 it is so awesome to have twins.

listening to them crack each other up?

there's no sweeter sound in the world, baby.

and chloe said her first sentence the other day. 2 words to be exact.

byeeeeee dada.

followed by

nieeeeeeght dada.

so flippin'' precious it was.

they are talking up a storm. they both say

more

big bird
cheeeeeeeese

grover
sueeeeeees which is shoooooeees.
booooooo!

melmo (elmo) like 742 times a day
gabba for yo gabba gabba

up
down
peas

and their favorite......EAT EAT EAT always in threes.

bert
ernie

all of their aunts and uncles names, some require having more imagination than others but still.

all of their grandparents names.

mama

dada

hieeeeeeeee is hi

byeeeeeeeee is bye

and nigh nigh
and lots of others that i just can't think of right now.

they are quite parrot like and will attempt to repeat anything you spew at them.

they still are infatuated with animals and make tons of animal sounds.

again,

precious.

they love to run in and out of the room yelling baaaooooo! they think they are very scary and they do it with huge animated arms and it is hilarious.

they still torture each other and have spent many a days in time out but i have found talking to them like real adults actually works better.

my children used the pack n play time out time as gym time. they would jump and land on their butts and laugh hysterically.

and when one would go in time out the other would just walk around saying bubba over and over.

bubba was calling chloe
coco or
chloco
but it has now turned into bubba.

so we have two bubba's.

be jealous.

the girl bubba is a night owl and some nights will talk to herself and just play alone for two hours. they go down at 8 and she has been kknown to outlast matt and me. just talking away. colton always falls asleep first and twice now we have walked in to find chloe flinging her blanket into her sleeping brothers crib whipping him and yelling bubba, bubba, bubba. she doesn't want to party alone but will if it is required. and it was, because he slept through it both times so she went back to her business and just gabbed away.

the boy bubba is a master manipulator and although he still throws ridiculous tantrums that literally leave him hoarse from screaming, i think he is starting to realize i'm not having it.

so they are subsiding.

which is amazing.

he mostly gets in trouble for hitting chloe or taking whatever she is paying with.

his new trick is to eye something and put it in his hand. That way, when he takes whatever she is playing with and gets disciplined he quickly puts the 2nd string toy in her hand as to say look, i'm actually being nice by giving you this new better toy.

rarely works.

scary watching him craft this plan with his beady little eyes.

chloe used to feel that screaming her head off in something so high pitched it literally made my ears ring was her best defense.

now, she gets physical.

and she looks legitimately scary all while accosting her brother.

they also start crying when they hurt each other.

for example,

chloe smacks colton in the face.

it doesn't hurt but colton knows to starts crying anyway.

chloe starts crying.
for no reason

????

they have to apologize by kissing and "saying" sorry, 99% of the time the crying stops when the kiss commences.

cute?

yes

dramatic?

most definitely.

chloe finally got her first black eye by taking a corner of a book to the eye. from her brother, not me.

and the best part???? these kids are sleeping until 8:30/9:00.

i'm telling you,

i keep reminding them i have a new baby coming and they just keep getting better and better.

and seriously,

they keep getting cuter and cuter......

think happy labor thoughts, yo......it will be happening any day now.

due date shmoooo date

it came.
it went.
baby is still inside.

i mean really, they should do birth months, not due dates.

the most annoying part is you can't make a phone call without hearing

"are you in labor"

or you can't answer the phone without hearing

"when are you having that baby"

and having a nameless overdue baby?

forget about it.

i don't know her name and i surely don't know when she's coming.

i have a doctors appointment on friday.
i will be 40 weeks and 4 days.
so we'll see if i've progressed.

i haven't attempted any crazy castor oil or eggplant parm bring on labor things.

but,
in honor of her due date i washed her baby blanket.
so i can check one thing off the list.

my sister-in-law, Taran, is on the verge of having a panic attack.
she would have everything done months ago.
i'm jealous.
she's a clean freak and she's always prepared.
always.

i'm not.

if i could just remember to register at the hospital that would be a big step in the right direction.

and i just need to get the car seat and pack my hospital bag and we should be good to go.



monkeys

monkey see

monkey do

almost there

but not quite.
i will be 40 weeks monday.
today is saturday.

i have been eating like it is my last day.

kind of like

i might as well eat it since i might not be pregnant tomorrow.

guess what?
between you and me?

i know i'll be pregnant tomorrow
but
it's kind of like
every night i think........this could be my last chance to eat like a glutton.
which clearly is enough for me to justify the disgusting things i continue to put in my mouth.

among my favorites?
this bad boy.



the strawberry pillow.

i can't handle it.

i think about them non stop.

among my other favs this go round are

pie crust. no filling. just a little bit of the sugary cornstarch stuff and crust.

starbucks blueberry scones.

tijuana flats ice

pasta
churros
cake. no frosting. just cake. actually, i freeze cake. and eat it frozen. it's devine.

peanut butter

french fries

and pretty much anything else you shouldn't eat on the reg.

i have gained 36 pounds.

3 of which came last week.

i got cocky.

i gained 1/2 of a pound over the past three weeks and clearly thought i could maintain that.

oops.

whatev.

i'm not worried about it.

after baby i will get back to business.

i gained 63 pounds with the twins and it took 6 1/2 months to lose it so hopefully that "it's harder to lose weight the second time around" nonsense is

just

that.

nonsense.

i mean a girl can dream, right?

now if you'll excuse me, i have a strawberry pillow to devour.

oh.....p.s. i am due monday.

like not tomorrow

but the next day.

and i have been dilated one centimeter for three weeks now.

so it's looking like baby girl is going to arrive in style, fashionably late.

to be honest, that is just fine by me.

a wise woman once told me they are a lot easier to manage inside than they are outside.

i learned that she was right about 6 minutes after the twins were born.

Ahhhhhh......slowly exhaling.

I feel so much better.

Thank you all so much for sending love. Whether it was by email, facebook or a comment on my blog you made me feel better and not alone.

And thank you Amy for sending all your million followers who have been there done that and let me know I would indeed make it. Love you, Aim.

I really feel better already.
I have already begun operation spoil my kids faces off.
I know it's not right.
I know it will make it more difficult for those caring for my twins while I'm out of commission.
But,
frankly,
I don't care.

It has already made me feel better and let's be honest, that's what's important.
Ummm hmm.
I'm selfish like that.

So yeah.

We went to Curtis Hixon Park even though it was 942 degrees and I was quite certain my baby was going to fall out of my stomach right then and there.
And we went with the twins best friend Veronica.
She's a really good mom and packs lots of snacks.
She keeps my kids full and they know who butters their bread.
And they love it.
And they love her.
And Chloe's first french kiss was with her son, Jameson.
Which, she initiated, I might add.
Don't worry, we had a talk with her.

V knows Chlo loves wa la la la
so,
of course,
she hooked her up.

P.S. Chloe calls watermelon "wa la la la" with extra drama on the la la la with her tongue.

And girlfriend isn't scared of a little rind.

This is J letting Colton know that he will continue to kiss Chloe if he wants to.

Miss Independent enjoyed a leisurely stroll while her counterpart remained a permanent fixture on my hip.

Until there was more fun to be had.

We had cinnamon rolls for breakfast on Sunday.
And chicken fingers for lunch.
And I think there may have been a half of cookie in there somewhere.
I am kind of a health freak in regards to the twins diet so this speaks volumes on the level I intend to spoil.

But just for the record......only I am allowed to do that.......mmkay, grandparents?

Today I geared up and took them to another splash park.

And it's only Tuesday.
So twinnies.......live it up, we have two more weeks of this nonsense.

Mamma loves you.

stratton, party of four

believe it or not i have 4 blogs in draft that i have started to write this week.
i thought if i plowed through eventually at least one of them would come together.
obviously, they didn't.
so there they will sit until i am feeling them.
i need to blog about fathers day.
i need to blog about my fishees and how they are learning to swim.
i need to blog about the beautiful sprinkle my family and friend threw for this sweet baby girl who does gymnastics in my belly all night long.
but

all of those are happy things and i have been feeling so emo this week so i can't give them the vibe that i feel that they deserve.

the truth is this baby is coming soon.
like for real.
like 15 days soon.

and i am scared.

it is a weird feeling bringing another baby into your family when you have
two babies that are still,
well,
babies.
at least they are to me.
the twins turned 16 months last week.

i find myself being even more mamma bear and protective over the them now.
they have had me all to themselves for 16 months.
and colton is so needy.
such a mamma's boy.

i feel like we're bringing a puppy home.
you know you are going to love the puppy
and that the puppy will be a part of your family.
and you know in a few short days after that puppy is home you will be saying things like
"i just can't remember life before this puppy"
"this puppy is the greatest thing to happen to this family"
and
"with this puppy, our family feels complete"
but still, you can't help but wonder how it will be in the interim.
for the twins.
and to be honest,
for me.

i know it's me.
realistically,
i know the twins will be fine without me for a few days
but
i will miss them.
like a lot.
i get teary just thinking about how their life is going to be uprooted.
all while i'm not even there to hold them and tell them how my love for them won't change
in fact, it will grow watching them begin love my sweet pea as much as i do.
and i know even if i did get deep with them they wouldn't understand
and
that they wouldn't even sit still long enough for me to get the first sentence out.

but right now, i'm anxious about properly adjusting our lives to accommodate a third child.

the twins jump on me like i'm a playground apparatus (sorry baby number three)
and we won't be able to rough house for a while.
and i won't be able to throw them up in the air
or
run around and chase them.
and hello
i'm bringing home a new
baby
to stay.
and i'm going to have to be mean because i won't allow them to beat up on her for at least like 2 weeks.
by then i'll be too tired and she will just have to fend for herself.

and to make matters more difficult, my twinnies have been so good this week.
almost throwing it in my face like...

are you suuuuuure you want to stay in the hospital and leave us for days and bring home a new little girl

 for us to live with

forever?



i feel like there is more we should be doing together.

like qt stuff.

these are our last couple weeks as

stratton, party of four.

so i'm probably going to spoil them for the next two weeks.

like a lot.

maybe we'll have ice cream for breakfast one day.

maybe that will make me feel better.

i just love you sweet babies and trust me, another sibling is one of the greatest gifts you will ever receive.

i know,

i'm lucky to be one of five and they are my best friends.

all of them.

hang in there.

things will get back to normal.....well, our new normal shortly.

mommy loves you more than you know.

and p to the s,

dad, i know i said like a lot in this post but just go with it.

mmkay?

uncontrollable chaos

listen here people.
the wheels are falling off.

i'm losing my mind and nothing makes sense around here.

the chaos is no longer controllable.

and why is my blog header cut off?
I can't figure it out and don't have time to.

how am i having a baby in 2.5 weeks?
how have i been pregnant for 37.5 weeks.
and yes, that .5 means a lot at this point in the game.

i have accomplished nothing.
aside from growing this baby
which,
i guess,
is a pretty amazing accomplishment.

i have no bags packed.
no plan for labor.
no car seat.
no coming home outfit.
the pack n play that my sweet pea will sleep in is currently the twins time out spot
and
i have no idea where any of the pack n play sheets are?

i had the sheets washed and folded with fabric softener sheets in between them so they would smell fresh whenever they were unfolded.

and can the poor kid get a name?

i know this really isn't a big deal to some so save your comments telling me i will be fine if i don't name her until she is two days old.
it's just weird?
what if i can't pick a name and then i'm forced to pick one that doesn't feel right because the hospital is pressuring me?

i did buy some newborn diapers last night so she will have 84 diapers which is a start, right?

i wish i nested.
you know, you hear those sweet stories where women just go into this crazy cleaning frenzy so everything is just perfect when the baby comes?

what the heck?

why didn't i get that?
anyone who knows me knows i need all the help i can get in the cleaning department.

and
the twins sure aren't making anything easier.

well,
one twin in particular.

monday was one of the worst days since the twins were born.
i think i cried 17 times.
tuesday i woke up and my eyes were red rimmed and stinging.....still.

colton has taken his clingy-ness to the next level.
he screamed for 2 hours straight and wouldn't stop unless i was holding him
in a blanket
sitting down
on the couch
and talking to him.

which,
i refused to buy into.

so it was either let him be the boss or show him i am boss.
both options sucked but i opted to be boss.
so he followed me around grabbing my legs for two hours.

let me tell you, it was torture.


when we got to swim the rash he had been sporting for a day was in full force.
i took him to the dr and he has......
ready for this?

hand, foot, mouth disease.

so
gross.

we have no idea how he got it
but
he has it.

then,
of course,
i felt guilty for letting him scream for hours
but i was still going insane because
he was still screaming

for hours.
this time, he was inconsolable.

he is getting better but the nasty fungus has temporarily suspended our swim career.
which
is really awesome because they have three weeks left
and i timed it perfectly to be over right before i have another baby.

so everything is just going swell around here and if i make it through the next 3 weeks no one will be more amazed than me.

\but,
before i go,
can i give a shout out to the baby in my belly real quick?

i don't know if you are going to continue being such an angel once you come out
but i can promise you if you are,
you will definitely be my favorite.
like for real.
and for forever.

i can't decide if i just don't have time to succumb to the pains and trials of pregnancy or if you have just been that good to me.

either way,
if you keep this up and sleep like a normal newborn and pretty much do everything opposite of the twins did their first 10 months you will get more toys at christmas
and a car.
when you turn 15 and a half.
and it will be a new car.
and i'll make the twins share a car.
an old car.

and i won't even hide it.
it won't even be our little secret.
i'll tell people openly you're my favorie.

deal?

Wordless-ish Wednesday

These pictures are from my phone. Sorry they are so blurry

Get home from swim.

Put food on the counter for lunch.

Run to the laundry room to put towels and swim diapers in washer.

Come back in the kitchen.

Realize food on the counter can now be reached by nosy and inquisitive twins.

Fine.

You win.

Eat off the floor so I can make lunch in peace and quiet.



Destroy family room in .4 seconds while I pee for the 742nd time today.

Clean up family room lunch mess only to discover twins dancin on the upside down tables in the the living room.


Thank God for nap time.