Poison Control this is Judy.....

I really wanted my next post to be about something that would exhibit how great of a mom I am.

Unfortunately folks, it's not going to happen.

I even thought about not posting this after my mom called and said, "maybe you should rethink putting this on your blog, what you put in writing on the internet stays forever" but whatevs, I sure hope my twinnies listen to me more than I listen to her ; ).

I had my first encounter with Poison Control today.

We've all been there, right?

Right?

Maybe it took you a little bit longer than 7 months (happy 7 month birthday shoutout to my twinnies) to get there but, for me, today was the day.

Side note: I really do feel like you guys should be a little bit more open minded before you judge me because I have two and they are the exact same age. And, I'm not always going to play the twin card but, I mos def will when I feel I need it or it could help me.

I mean those of you who know my kids know my son is crazy. Like really crazy. I fully intended on buying a baby jail this week because I can't keep up with the kid now that he is crawling but, it didn't happen. Earlier in the week I found him in the fireplace with black hands from the ashes. You get the picture, he's just into everything and it's not because I don't watch him, well, today it was but that's besides the point.

I thought about changing the story a

teeny bit

and say I was vaccuuming or reading to Chloe but I decided to just go with it. If you want a blog that is constantly inspiring you to be a better mother by leading by example,

I'm not your girl.

Imma keep it real over here. I was sitting on the couch on the phone with my dad bragging about telling him how calm things were around here this morning. We woke up, had birthday yogurt and birthday bananas (for a first time birthday treat) and we were just chilling listening to some jazz. Then it hit me. Bubba had been way too quiet for way too long. For Bubba, anything longer than 2 minutes of quiet is too long. I stood up and sure enough he was making faces like this:

And this and spitting repeatedly:

I knew something was wrong and upon further investigation I realized what had happened. He took the Wallflower (does everyone know what those are? The Bath and Body Works thingys that make my house smell fresh and clean when it's really dirty?) unplugged it from the wall, unscrewed the liquid portion from the plastic portion and apparently had a lil snack. I immediately hung up with dad, called mom (who is a nurse) and she said "you need to call poison control".

 So there it is. We called Poison Control

I spoke to Judy who was very sweet but I felt like she was mildly questioning my parenting skills when I simply stated that I looked over and my son was sucking on the glass portion of my Wallflower. So, you guessed it, I played the twin card. It worked. She all of a sudden felt sympathetic and quickly went from Judgy back to Judy. I felt better about myself which is all that really matters. Well, that and my son not being poisoned. Judy kindly gave me my instructions and told me he would be fine. As soon as Judy and I parted ways I immediately grabbed the camera. Ummmm yes, I absolutely needed pictures of these faces! My mom then called to check on him and I told her she was interrupting my foul face photo shoot (that's when she told me I needed to opt out of this post) so I only got a few for you.

The good news is these faces, red eyes, red mouth, spitting and drool:

only lasted about 30 minutes and all was well with the world again.

And no, he is not like on the roof or something as I write this, they are both sleeping.....yup, I said both.

Oh, and I feel like I'll feel better about myself if I offer you all a little PSA - watch your kids at all times and here is Poison Control's phone number: #800.222.1222.

P.S. Daddy and Scotty - that onesie is for you - GO GREEN!

Happy Saturday ya'll.