Thursday, August 25, 2011


i never knew how much i would enjoy writing this blog when i began.
i started it purely to freeze time the only way i knew how.
to capture memories and put them into words.

it's so hard to stay in the now.
but i have been trying.
tracing and memorizing every little line indented in her hands and feet from being so overcooked.

i know this will probably be my last chance to soak up the mind dizzying miracle that is a newborn
so that is exactly what i am doing.

i know in the very near future my sweet stella
won't need tiny mittens.
or sleep in a teeny ball of perfection on my chest.
i won't be able to feel her tiny little fontanels because her bones will grow together making her skull.
she won't have that pure sweet newborn smell.
she won't need to be covered in a blanket 24 hours a day.
or swaddled.
she won't make precious little animal noises when she is drifting in and out of her peaceful newborn sleep.
she won't bury her head in my neck like fitting like the last little missing piece to complete my puzzle.

she'll be up and running before i know it.
and i know how fast it goes.

when she came out i thought how could she be so small?
the twins were two pounds smaller.
and while i remember their first few weeks, when i close my eyes i can't see it.
i want to be able to see it.
and remember every emotion.
the fear.
the excitement.
the feeling of unbelievable gratitude for a healthy baby.
knowing my body not only made
also brought this tiny miracle into this big crazy place.
waking up every few minutes to make sure she is still breathing.
laying in my bed with her and knowing right now, my only responsibility is to feed, love and change her.
that's it.
and change.

having a baby is just mind blowing.
you think you've got your emotions in check throwing around the
"been there done that with two at the same time" mentality.
nothing can prepare you for labor and giving birth to an actual living and breathing baby.
a new baby casts a spell on you that is arguably one of the greatest feelings of all time.

some days it is so easy to get caught up in the difficulty conducting the train that is my life.

with the twins not understanding that this baby is not a toy
or by standing on the table because they know i can't get up while i'm feeding the baby
it's easy to loose my cool.
i get frustrated and send them off
and then i miss them.

they're adjusting, too.
i need to remember that.
so we're rolling on the best way i know how.
by just keepin' on.

i know i complain.
and some days i do think i have it hard.
but like everything else in life, it could be so much worse.

and just as i am teetering the line of will a glass bottle of wine fix this
do i actually need a short stint at an insane asylum
i am reminded of what i have.
and i wouldn't trade this life for anything.

children are magic.
and all three of mine have me under quite a beautiful spell.


  1. So well written! My twins are a bit older and there is 5 years between the twins and their brother...but I still teeter. So happy you are doing well. You children are BEAUTIFUL! :) I love their names too...I have a stella also <3

  2. Jammies and I have a bet going. Which hand is Bubba's and which one is Chloe's? As usual, great blog. I'm not sure which makes me more proud; these pictures or your writing.

  3. Marissa~
    I just love your blog. I look forward to reading all your posts. This one got me. My babies aren't babies anymore at 5 and 2. I wonder where the time went! It makes me sad and yet so proud that they are thriving little active beings. Just love this blog! Funny how we can relate after all these years :)!


  4. "a new baby casts a spell on you that is arguably one of the greatest feelings of all time."
    I loved reading that! I am a follower who doesn't usually comment, but just wanted to say that I understand! I have a 5 1/2, 2/12, and I am 7 months pregnant with #3. I'm not sure if I'm crazy some days either!

  5. Maris- This totally brought tears to my eyes. You are my making my uterus ache for another tiny newborn. Enjoy every second with Sweet Stella. Love you! xoxo

  6. t never ceases to amaze me how you can elicit such strong emotions every time you write!! Beautiful and I love you more and more every day!

  7. Amiee Gonzalez Love love love love love!!!!!!!
    August 25 at 9:12pm · LikeUnlike.

    Marissa Pantaleo Stratton Love love love you, boo
    August 25 at 9:14pm · LikeUnlike.

    Shannon Thomas Jackson Love ur post! I am with u! I love my new little one. He seems to complete our little family!!!
    August 25 at 9:29pm · LikeUnlike.

    Lauren Correia Wimsatt You are right about the magic :)
    August 25 at 9:29pm · LikeUnlike.

    Teri Anderson You are a gifted writer and this will be so precious to you when they are grown with babies of their own!
    August 25 at 9:31pm ·

    Donna Pantaleo Marissa love reading your blogs. You truly have a gift for writing. It makes me feel like we are there with all of you. Enjoy those babies because time goes so fast. Could be wrong but I think I see some Pantaleo genes in Stella.
    August 25 at 9:32pm

    Marissa Pantaleo Stratton Aunt Donna - she isn't a blondie....I was caught off guard for sure!
    August 25 at 9:33pm · LikeUnlike.

    Lora Pantaleo Rodriguez Beautiful. Also, in the pic of Chloe kissing S, Chlo looks like a blonde Emma from behind. ;)
    August 25 at 9:37pm · LikeUnlike

    Marissa Pantaleo Stratton Because of her mullet? : ) and thank you.
    August 25 at 9:38pm · LikeUnlike.

    Marissa Pantaleo Stratton And I like the S reference. You know you love me.
    August 25 at 9:38pm · LikeUnlike.

    Donna Pantaleo With her eyes closed I can really see it, like Scott who definitely looks like Uncle Joe when he was younger.
    August 25 at 9:45pm · LikeUnlike.

    Ann Pantaleo Hood Marissa, I really enjoy reading your blog! You have such great insights and a wonderful way of expressing them with the written word. Keep up the good work!!!
    August 25 at 9:45pm

    Wendi Morgenstern Moses Love!
    August 25 at 10:08pm

    Kathleen Rodriguez Sniff... Sniff.. I love everything about you and your family!
    August 25 at 10:23pm

    Margaret Johnston James beautifully written --
    August 26 at 5:40am · LikeUnlike.

    Cherie Wood Callahan It never ceases to amaze me how you can elicit such strong emotions every time you write!! Beautiful and I love you more and more every day!