Tuesday, August 9, 2011

4tyONE weeks

I thought I published this yesterday. Oops.

Here we are.
The baby and me.
WE are still a WE.
Because she is still inside of me.
I'm in a bad place today.
I want her to come.
On her own.
I'm not a full on hippy but I like to think of myself as mildly healthy.
I'm kind of a hippy when it comes to the health of my kids.
Like I will eat mac n cheese and they eat spinach and grilled chicken.
But that's because I love them more than I love me.
A lot more.

That said I don't like inductions.
I was induced with the twins at 38 and a half weeks so I have been there.
But I don't like anything about them.
Especially early inductions.
And I don't like how they are pretty much mainstream now.
Unless they are medically necessary, obviously.

I have my reasons but I am not here to preach.
I'm here to vent.

My doctors will allow me to go 14 days past my due date.
I am now 7 days past.
I try to be more healthy when I have babies in my belly.
Except I drank coffee this pregnancy starting at 20 weeks.
I'm sorry sweet pea.
Your brother and sister were too much to deal with while you were sweetly trying to grow so innocently in my body.

Unfortunately I'm not in control of when she comes.
And it makes me sad.
I want what is best for her.
So I'm sad that we only have 7 days left to get her out.
And I'm sad that I have to take my twins to get shots in an hour.
I'm emotional.
For no reason really.
Except for that I have control issues.
With the best intentions.
And I have no control.
So come out.
On your own.
So I can stop crying.

On a good note, Colton keeps coming up to me and puts his forehead against mine and smiles every time I cry.
He is the biggest angel bully I have ever met.
And I love it.


  1. So a man not wanting a woman to cry starts reallly early then huh? Precious.

  2. awwww don't cry!! we'll all start thinking labor thoughts for you. but, seriously, pick a name! ;)

  3. So sweet about Colton!

    Here is my long comment for the night: I understand about the control and induction thing. I went with the induction okay but I fought the csection like crazy. In the end, I didn't have a choice so it is what it is. I still struggle sometimes with having had a csection, but I know that what people say is true: in the end, all that matters is that you are looking at your beautiful baby girl.

    I hated when people said that to me, but I remind myself of it when I am mad with my scar...
    hang in there....

  4. Ummmmm maybe she will come out if you pick a name. She might think you aren't ready :)

  5. I hope she comes our on her own, I had that exact feeling... I wanted her to come in her time, on her terms. Unfortunately my BP went up and then it wasn't my choice anymore. I appreciate all the support you gave me & just know that everything will happen as it is meant to & she will be perfect. That's the only mantra I could say over and over when I finally accepted I wasn't in control... It helped me stop crying at least. It will be soon :)

  6. Marissa, you are the MOST AMAZING pregnant momma ever. Please don't cry (that makes me cry!) and just enjoy these last few moments of being the Mom of only 2 babies and think about how sweet it will be to hold a little one again (not to mention snacking on St. Joe's chicken tenders). I love you with all my heart and can't even begin to tell you how proud I am of you!