i have to admit, i quelled a lot of my fears about getting pregnant with stella when the twins were eight months by repeating the following.....
"you're good! you just did this! with two babies! you won't have time to forget! you'll know what to do!"
first statement: not true, second and third: true, true, last: not true and not true.
we are in crisis mode, people.
stella not sleeping is taking a toll on my already fragile mind and dilapidated body.
and, i feel like i got punked by a two month old.
how do you sleep for two and a half months and then decide to wake up every hour?
i'm at a loss.
we got to the point with the twins where we had no option but to let them cry it out.
it's torture for me.
but, being sleep deprived is torture.
i see words dangling off of my tongue and sometimes i don't even no what they mean.
or what i'm saying.
i am getting so little sleep that i wake up angry.
and i take it out on my babies. and husband. and probably my family?
i'm sorry if i do.
last night i decided maybe it was time to unswaddle stella.
she rolled over while swaddled the night before so i thought "that's it! she wants to sleep on her belly!"
she was up probably twelve times last night.
at four o' clock i couldn't take it anymore.
i swaddled that little burrito and got and hour and a half of sleep.
i just had two babies.
i don't know what i'm doing with the third.
do i swaddle?
break the swaddle?
does she cry it out?
i can't live like this.
my twins don't stop.
i need to stop.
i need to sleep.
if my husband wakes up one more time and says "how was stella last night" i'm going to punch him.
or better yet, i will keep the monitor on so he can hear for himself how she was.
he sleeps through everything.
when i wake up to stella's body wiggling around i turn the monitor off, start crying, and just watch the video monitor.
so he won't wake up.
and i sit, and punch my pillow, and whisper scream "what do i do?"
what do i do?
this morning i feel asleep on the couch while i was snuggling with the twins.
i couldn't stay awake.
i woke up to them sitting on their little couches that they had somehow put on the big couch.
i can't believe the house was still standing.
i'm getting desperate. help me.
does this post even make sense?