there are some things you must understand.
life isn't pretty.
i was fortunate enough to learn that at the ripe age of six weeks.
and sometimes you have to do things that you aren't proud of.
i knew you were scared to death when you found out you were having me.
three kids under one and a half seems daunting, i get it.
so i vowed to give you a beautiful pregnancy in hopes of winning you over.
but i'm smarter than you think.
i even stole your phone to take a pic to introduce myself.
nice to meet you, formally, that is.
i knew you had a great pregnancy with the twins, too.
so, i decided to give you two and a half months of pure bliss just to ensure my top spot on the totum pole.
i latched on and never looked back.
i nestled my sweet face into your little nook.
i only poop once a week,
i even buttered up your sweet spot by sleeping when you wanted me to.
don't get me wrong, coming into this big scary world is tiring.
so my sleeping so much wasn't 100% manipulation
but, on day 64 when i looked you in the eyes?
i knew for a fact that i had you.
you had stars in your eyes.
i knew i could do no wrong.
you even said publicly that i was your favorite.
mission accomplished, my friends.
don't get me wrong, i too will treasure the beautiful time we had together where it was just you and me cuddling in your big comfy bed.
but i knew things were going to have to change.
and in your case?
that would be for the worse.
you see, sweet mommy, i realized quickly that those twins that you call my siblings
weren't exactly thrilled when they found out i was here to stay.
the boy one?
i know he he loves me.
but that sassy little girl?
i could tell she had a little bit of crazy in her. and i knew i needed to take action.
btdubs, why does she always hit me when she's mad at you?
i had to play my cards right.
and i knew my odds were better teaming with them.
winning them over became a necessity.
i need to think about my future and i don't foresee you helping me cover up lies of late curfews and speeding tickets.
i need them, and they need me.
i love you.
i really do.
i need you to know i'm one of them.
i feel bad when you scratch your head and talk to the walls about all that
"what happened to my perfect child" nonsense.
i'm serious. but i also think if you knew how crazy you looked you probably wouldn't do it.
i mean, who talks to walls?
and although i can promise you i'll sleep a little bit more than they did,
the good days are over.
you will remain on your toes at all times.
i need you to know that.
your life will be easier once you succumb to the inevitable.
it is now officially three against one.
i hope you understand.
catch you on the flip side, suckaaaaaa.