Friday, May 18, 2012

here comes the sun, and i say, it's alright

ya know,
sometimes you've got to just stop.
and slow down.
and step back.
and look in the mirror.

and i've done that.

i truly appreciate everyone who reached out to me after my last post.
i think it seemed more intense than intended.
or it didn't.
or it wasn't.
i'm still not sure.

writing this blog is so much more to me than you know.
it's cathartic.
it's cleansing.
it makes me see me outside of my head.

i very rarely reread what i've written before i hit publish.
sometimes that's good.
sometimes it's bad.
i tend to just go with it.
it's how i felt at that second.
and if that isn't freezing time, i don't know what is.

after re-reading this one, i realized i spent so much time complaining about me, that i left out my greatest stress.

this boy.

he loves his daddy more than anything in the world.
more than trains.
and more than cupcakes.
maybe not cupcakes.
but it's close.
he misses his daddy more than all of us.
he has the heart of an angel.
and he wears it on his sleeve.

he got that from not me. not me at all.

ok probably from me.
so i get it.

and he has been having meltdowns at a catastrophic level.
so i stopped.
and stood back.
and instead of reacting to him acting out
and whining
and destroying
and not listening
and crying.

i thought about it.
and talked to him.
i asked why he was sad.

he said "daddy hold juuu."
one look at this teeny tiny quivering chin and i started crying.

i called matt and matt said "i know. i've noticed that, too. i told him i was taking him on a date."
say what? why does no one tell me anything around hurrr?
and a daddy sate there was.

they went to their first baseball game.
the morning of, colton said "daddy day!"

my heart melted.

the only bad thing about it is that i wasn't there to document every adorable second.
i told matt he better not come home unless he took a few pictures.
and he obliged.

they did boy things like eat hot dogs and french fries. and chew tobacco and spit.

how cute.
daddy let him pick out a baseball.

he slept with it.
for a few days.

it worked.

he just needed some one on one time with his daddy.

i love both of my angel boys.

and the good news is that daddy is not working sundays for the next few weeks.
so that, in addition to some weekly one on one and we should be back to sunshine around here.
and that? makes me so very happy.

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