we're getting there

i always feel like it's too early to decorate.

and then i realize it's too late.

good thing i have elves to help this year.

to my cousin katie studying in tulane's library at 11:30 on a friday night

i have to admit.

i'm not laughing at you, i'm laughing with you.

although, i must admit, better you than me.

honestly?

i just laid my head down to go to sleep.

i know, you're jealous.

even though i know i won't sleep tonight, i am glad that i am not in the library studying for exams.

you must feel like this right about now.

but keep on studying!

 you'll be home soon and we can play!

not to be selfish

but

 i just thought of something,

have you decided what type of law you for sure want to study?  

i just want to make sure if i need you one day you'll be there.

silly girl,

it's not that i plan on being bad! 

it would just be nice to have our own little elle woods in the family.

know what i mean?

so, study hard and keep up the good work,

you got this.

love you,

stella

chili cuz it's chilly

so here we are.

it's december people.

i just put a pair of six month pajamas on my three and a half month daughter.

i just don't get it.

i need at least one to stay little.

i can't change that you say?

ok, guess i'll just have another baby.

wait.

what?

i kid.

i kid.

we made our first batch of winter chili.

and by we, i mean me.

and this kid?

has started doing something new.

he makes the face below

while while saying

moaw. moaw. moaw. moaw. moaw. moaw.

moaw. moaw.

did you guess more?

you were right.

the funny part isn't the moaw.

no my friends.

it's the intensity and the pitch change at each progressive moaw.

higher

and higher

and higher.

in the end? it's like mariah carey high.

and girlfriend still loves her some food.

so far cantaloupe is the only thing she doesn't like.

smart kid.

that stuff is boo.

she used to not like raw spinach but she's come around.

again, smart kid.

and it appears as though the boy has become a vegetarian.
he and meat broke up about a month ago.

unless it's fried.

again, smart kid.

last night he literally ate every bean in his chili successfully dodging all pieces of meat.

the new cutest thing that they do?

i know.

i know.

i die.

notice the death grip on the high chair?

they pull each other closer so they can feed each other.

chloe will fill her spoon and say "bye, bye? bubba?"

that means bite, bite? bubba?

obviously.

feeding themselves sloppy meals almost always results in a soak.

it's just easier.

they were so good today.

thank you, jesus.

because this girl

quit sleeping.

it happened like six weeks ago.

i didn't want to tell you guys because i know it's my fault.

and i was hoping it was just a phase.

my cousin angie told me a long time ago

"never talk about the no hitter"

and i did.

way too early apparently.

sweet girl, have mercy on my soul.

waking up six times a night is no good.

no good i tell you.

but do you want to know what's funny?

i always say to matt,

"is six times a night normal?"

"it's not that bad, is it?"

"i mean, it feels bad on my crazy mind but is six times really that bad?"

i feel like it isn't because the twins would wake up like 62 times a night.

jk

jk

i'm exaggerating, it was really like 58 times.

so six times still doesn't feel that bad.

help me.

how did you sleep train your child?

with the twins we made them cry it out (in a less harsh way) but they were seven months.

i don't think i can wait that long with this sweet pea but i am no where near ready to do that tonight.

tomorrow? maybe, but not tonight.

so flood me with amazing advice por favor.

now if you'll excuse me i must get back to this.

and my fingers are sticky from the s'more i am eating
making it difficult to type.

and the plot thickens.

this is absolutely what you think.

twins really are awesome

especially my twins.

yesterday they had their first for real converstaion.
a full on deliberate conversation that only they could understand

there were pauses in appropriate places.
there were changes in intonation.
there were eyebrows that rose.
and there was laughing back and forth.
lots of laughing.

and at that moment my heart broke into six million pieces as i marveled yet again at the fact that i have twins.

my body made two babies at the same time.
i still get a little choked up everytime i think back to my first appointment when they showed
my body
making two babies on that little screen.

i've said before we do not have twins on either side of our family.
though i do feel compelled to say i actually have awesome twin cousins i must say,
their monther,
who married my blood cousin,
has twins on her side of the family.

make sense?

so for us, discovering the fact that two babies were in my belly was a complete shock.

recalling yesterdays convo, my high on twin life high was still going strong this morning.
it's no secret i stalk every twin blog i can get my hands on.
so today, when i woke up to this, my high got stronger.
and i kissed those twins like there was no tomorrow.
i want to copy and paste it and put my name on it like i wrote it.
i love this post.

you just can't explain or understand the highs and lows or the ups and downs of twin life unless you have twins.

well, you could if you have triplets.
but if you have triplets you aren't throwing us a pitty party, you're laughing at us.
which is totally understandable, i would laugh at me, too.

i knew celia was expecting twins but holy moley.
two babies with no drugs?
yikes.

it really is like a sorority.
one that you either want to be a part of so badly.
or,
you have no interest in at all.

very rarely are people in the middle.
out of the sixteen people who stop me a day,
i have never gotten
oh, twins, hmmmm, that could be cool. i guess?

it's either
i wanted twins soooo freaking badly.
or
i could never do that. how do you do that?

and p.s. god knows whether you can or you can't handle it.
that is why mothers of multiples, have multiples.
because they can handle it.

and i am so freaking happy that i am a part of your club.

amidst all the chaos....

we have some pretty beautiful moments.
nothing fills my heart more than my babies loving each other.

and since baby stella won't poop, today she drank from a bottle.
with some dark karo syrup in it.

that means my twinnies got to help feed her for the first time.

at this moment my heart shattered in 874 pieces.
it was so adorable.

she fed her for 28 seconds and was over it.
and she clapped for herself when she was done.
i love this little girl's confidence.

this boy loves his sisters like they are brand new every morning.
he's such a gentle giant.
he's just like his daddy.
he's going to be an amazing husband.
mark my words.

you can call me genius from now on

So the crib tent is supposed to arrive today.
Upon receiving it, I will head to the post office to return it.
You see, this afternoon, at nap time, I was shuddering at the thought of another two hour battle.

When it hit me.
I took out the mattress.
I removed the board it sat on.
I ran and got an allen wrench
and I unscrewed with a furry of hope like no ones business.

And.......voila.
Boom! Mama just saved $70 bucks.
Thanks Amazon, but we won't be needing your crib tent.

He tried
and tried
and tried.
And when he realized it wasn't going to happen,
he threw himself on his back and started kicking the crib.

And he succumbed to the inevitable.

or so I thought.............
this kid.

Luckily, he couldn't get through.
But I was a little worried he would continue to try.
So, I stood outside until he fell aslep and went in there as soon as I heard a noise.
Tonight Matt and I propped the mattress up a few inches just to make it safer and
voila.
All is well with the world again.

And this was the point were I officially lost my mind.

So here we are.

Colton has mastered the art of crawling out of his crib.

Switching him to a bed is just not an option.

Why you ask?

A: I do not, will not and have not ever let me kids sleep in our bed. That's actually a lie, Colton did the night he was in the ER but it was a fail. He just kicked me all night and poked my eyes. If he can get out on his own he will try to sleep with me.

B: I worked hard to get my kids to stay in their cribs until 8:30.

After not sleeping for 10 months, I felt I deserved it.

So, I TAUGHT them to stay happy and entertained in their cribs until 8:30.

Every morning.

It's not negotiable and they know it. Well, it wasn't until he learned to crawl out. Hahaha.

C: I also trained them to nap at the same time every day.

I am just not giving that up. Yet.

D: I parent my children, they don't parent me. At least for now. In case I change my mind later I would like the "at least for now" in writing.

E: Anytime the twins are sleeping is my QT with Stella.

And let's be honest, a bed means more training.

And I'm tired.

I choose my battles daily.

And trust me, these kids win a lot.

This one?

They aren't winning.

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

So Colton?

You've met your match.

Where do you think you got that stubbornness from?

Have you met your mom and dad?

On Halloween during these pictures,

Colton walked out of his room

He started laughing hysterically.

I must admit, so did I.

There is something about your kid who has been restrained for 19 months walking out on his own.

I couldn't believe it.

I thought to myself, one of my kids is in a pumpkin and the other just walked out of his room?

It was cute at first.

Especially when I thought we were done.

It didn't happen again.

Until Saturday.

And yesterday?

I realized I needed to bust out the big guns to make sure my boy knew what was up.

I listened to JoJo like a good girl

and put him back in his crib with no reaction.

Just picked him up. Put him in crib.

For and hour and a half.

An hour and a half straight people.

And, after an hour and a half I was cursing myself for laughing at all those moms on Supernanny who were crying and sweating after putting their kids in time out

over and over and over again.

I get it now. I get it.

At hour two I started tweaking out and getting a little crazy.

Obviously, the tweaking clouded my judgement.

For a minute?

I thought I had him.

He was rattled for sure.

In hindsight, duct taping a towel a couple of inches was ridiculous.

Now that my mind is clear I feel like I didn't even know my kid at the time.

A beach towel covering his escape spot was a weak choice.

It would take a lot more than that.

Clearly he took my towel

and raised me an escape in ten seconds.

So I went half way which rattled him again.

But now that I look back, I know he was just manipulating me into thinking I got 'em so I would continue to go easy on him.

Touche, little grasshopper. Touche.

 I then went with an all the way cover.

Unfortunately, at this point it was confirmed that the girl was indeed on his side, not mine.

She started pulling off tape within seconds.

I think this is the point when I started shaking.

With this escape, I found him in the top drawer of the dresser with

the

dresser

emptied.
He hopped out and I've never seen him move so fast.

(please don't judge the too short curtains in this pic. I ordered the wrong size, calm down, they're getting fixed) 

Just so you know, he throws his blanket, paci and pillow out of the crib prior to jumping.
This ensures nothing gets left in the crib, out of reach.

Don't tell him this.......

 but I like that he does that,

covering all his bases and all.

And this is the point where I went completely psycho trying to McGyver some contraption with saran wrap on top of his crib.

This is also the point where I took a breath and realized how crazy I was acting.

I opted out of photographing said insanity which, I think was the only good decision I made that afternoon.
But honestly,.

if only I had a little bit more saran wrap I think I could have done it.

After battling for three and a half hours with this kid, 

Matt came home from golf to find me in such a state that he gave me one look
and sent me to my room to regroup immediately.

Good call, babe.

Good call.

Cue to this morning:

I was woken up by my son jumping on top of me at 6:40.

I immediately knew Babies R Us would be our first stop today.

I got there at 9:30 to purchase my brand new crib tent.

The one that would take my life back to normal.

Or so I thought.

The kind gentleman informed me that they didn't sell them anymore because they were dangerous in case of an emergency.

Like a fire or something.

I quickly explained that this young man that my kid jumping out of his crib for three and a half hours was an emergency.

One that I needed him to fix.
Immediately.

I asked him to scan the aisles in his mind and think of something that would work.

He kindly directed me to the pack and play netting.

Bring it.

I'm all for some jimmy riggin'.

1st attempt: FAIL. And a quick one at that.
She helped shimmy it up from the outside aiding in his escape.

2nd attempt: Boom.

Caught in the act 

 3 rd attempt: Caught and so angry he couldn't get out.

Below, Chloe is giving him a little pat on the back begging him not to give up.

Why does she care you ask?

Because he feeds her books and other toys once he gets out.

How do I know?

I videoed it.

I'll post that once I find the cord. 

Pondering his next plan of escape.

Mom failed. 

I decided it was time to end this.

For real. 

She thinks I'm joking.

I'm not.

And this my friends?

was the winner winner chicken dinner.

Amazon will be overnighting my crib tent thankyouverymuch.

This is my life people, welcome to it.

xoxo,

The Mean Mom

And yes, I 100% realize me photographing this debacle doesn't help my "I'm serious" stance to the twins. But really, would you have believed me if I didn't?

And P.S. I just went to put dinner away and got angry all over again when I reached for the saran wrap and it was gone. True story.