Friday, August 10, 2012

stella's birth story part one

you were due august 1st, 2011.
i knew that was not going to happen.
i had to kick the twins out and despite everyone telling me the next one always comes earlier,
i knew you were comfy.
and i was ok with that.

i wasn't ok on august 8th when they told me i was still barely 1 cm dilated.
the same exact place i had been a week prior.

i was straight up anxious on august 11th. You were ten days late.
that night, i went to get a manicure.
for the second time.

i also got a manicure on august 1st just in case.
what a waste of money.
i got to spend precious time with nicole.
nicole, one of my sweet friends from high school, also does my nails when i need more than just a manicure.
she did them right before your brother and sister were born, too.
she took me in at the last minute because she knew it was pre-baby ritual.
it was 6:00 p.m.
we chatted away.
she joked about putting me in labor.
we talked long and laughed hard.
i remember watching my belly bounce
and wondering if it would be one of the last times.

i got home around 9:00.
a nearly three hour manicure is good for the soul. especially from someone you love.
your twins had been asleep for hours
and daddy was asleep, too.

i laid down around 10:00 and not long after that, i remember feeling a tightening in my belly.
i was so excited.
you were ten days late and i knew they wouldn't let me go much longer without an induction
i so wanted to go into labor spontaneously.
so terribly bad.
i knew God had a plan.
and i knew you would come.
on your own.
i waited for a while before i woke daddy up but i knew this was it.

around 11:30 p.m. i woke him up and told him we were having a baby.
i was so excited i was laughing.

you see, i kicked him out of our room a long time ago.
he was sleeping in your room.
you made me not sleep.
a lot.

i called the doctor's office to let them know i was in labor.
except the doctor slept through the answering service's call.
three times.
when she called, she said i sounded too calm and not in enough pain to be in labor.
um. ok.
she also told me this was common in a first time labor.
i politely reminded her that i had given birth to twins a year prior.
and that she delivered them.
i think she was still asleep.

nonnie jumped out of bed and flew over.

around two a.m., daddy and i packed up and headed to the hospital.
neither of us had bags packed.
my stomach was in knots realizing i would not get to say goodbye to the twins, but i was over the moon excited to say hello to you.
it is so scary when people tell you that your heart will to divide into another equal piece, but you don't understand how that can happen.
it is so beautiful when you realize, after it happens, that it has.

on our way, daddy kept asking me how i felt.
i told him i was good.
i said we should stop to eat because i knew once i got there that food was off limits.
but i was explaining to him that even though i knew i should eat, i just wasn't hungry.
before i could finish that sentence, he said "oh no!"
"what! what is wrong" i said through contractions.
and he said "we should go back home and drop my truck off at my parents for louis in the morning."
"huh? why?" i asked.
he stated that it would be easier for louis to pick up his truck at gran and papa's since he would be working for daddy while we were with you.

ummmmmmmmm. hi.
i'm about to push a baby out of my vagina, but whatever makes things easier for louis is obviously what we need to do.

i told daddy "do you realize what you are saying right now? you want me to follow you in my car, to drop off your truck, while i'm in labor, so things are easier for louis?"

he started laughing when he realized how insane he sounded.

he admitted that he, too, did not really think i was in labor because i was calm.
and laughing,
i think he was looking for some oscar worthy labor performance.
but i felt great. and i was excited. and happy.

until i started second guessing myself.
would we be sent home?
was this not it?

we checked in and marveled that we had been in this exact same place a year and a half with no babies.
and here we were a year and a half later, hours away from meeting our third.
a little girl.

we sat.
and waited.
until we were called.
we moseyed through the hallways.
i vowed to take everything i felt in.
every smell.
every color.
every nurse.
every name.
to record it in the "i will never, ever forget this" portion of my brain.
i know how fast it goes.
i wanted pictures of everything.

i sat down in a cold plastic chair.
i was wearing sweat pants and a turquoise tank top.
a man took my blood pressure.
he led me to a triage room where i laid down and laughed with daddy.

i will cherish these times with your father forever.
i get emotional when i go back there mentally.
in the hospital, crawling of the edge of our seats, dying to meet our babies.
we were so in sync. him taking care of me, me taking care of you.
all we wanted to talk about was you.
would you look like chloe?
because you were a girl?
you would have to have blonde hair, right? right?
in between giggly and dreamy conversations where we felt like we were dancing in the clouds, we watched tv.
he had it on espn and a nurse marveled at his audacity to have it on a sports channel while his wife was having contractions every three minutes..

a few minutes later, it was three a.m. and the nurse came in and said today was going to be your birthday.
i couldn't wait.
and i was so excited to be right.
i wished that we would have taken daddy's truck back.
it would have made for a better story.

i couldn't wait to see you.
to hold you.
to see your teeny tiny purple little finger nails
i couldn't wait for the earth to stop when they put you in my arms for the first time.

we called nonnie, who was home with the twins, to let her know she was in for the long haul.
we weren't coming home without our baby girl.


  1. I love a birth story....and a cliffhanger at that!!! I'm so nervous that you're settling in for a 24 hr labor....

  2. Marissa - you've done it to me again. I have tears rolling down my cheeks! I'm anxiously awaiting the next installment even though I already know the happy ending! So much love fills my heart. Nonnie