grams

that's what i called you.
or sweet and low.
you loved both.
i will never forget your giggle.

2 days ago it was your birthday.

lora said that if she wasn't pregnant with your
sixth
great grandchild,
she would have had a
smirnoff.
on the rocks.
with a twist.
for you.

don't worry,
i've got lora covered.

i realize i've never written for you like i should have.
trust me.
i've sat in front of this very screen 1.6 million times.
and every single time i have felt i haven't been able to do you justice.
i hope you know,
my gift has been my silence.
i hope you understand that.

how do you put this face to words?

i haven't been able to.
i still can't.

i will always remember you this happy.
that's why it is so hard to write.

you have made me a better wife.

you make me a better cook.
every time i call mom for one of your recipes i want it to be exact.
i want it to be just like yours.
why didn't you give her prefect measurements?

just like yours.

you make me want to dance.
to have fun.

to just live life.
the rest is just details.
and who wants to deal with those?

you make me want me to love my children,
more than anything in this world.
that's what you did for my mommy.

i hope to do that.

i hope to give them the christmas you gave her.
thanksgiving.
every holiday .
i want to do that for them.

you were an amazing wife. you were an even better mother.
and you were an even more phenomenal grandmother.
i want to take my kids to the "bogey inn" in dublin.
we'll play bocee ball.
and we'll go to the "popcorn factory".
and we'll learn how to make popcorn.
from the owner.
and i'll tell them that they can pick out three flavors.
and i'll buy them fourty two.
just like you did.
and i want them to play golf.
for you.
and for grandpa.

i want to be you when i grow up.

thank you for always wanting to be the life of the party.
i now know where i get it.
and i'm ok with it.

thank you for always inspiring me to dress to the nines.
right now?
i'm shooting for the threes.
but
i promise, i will make it to the sevens-ishhhhh.

thank you for letting me try on all of your jewelry.
i realize now that i was trying on a lot of carats. and lots of colored plastic.
thank you for letting me try it on like there was no difference.
i promise to do the same to my babies.
and their babies.

thank you for taking me on thee most ridiculous shopping sprees to the Limited Too and Gap.
i got whatever i wanted. i still remember the smell of those stores.
you made me feel like a princess.

you have no idea what i have taken from you.
what i will make live on.
i want you to be proud.

i wish you were here to see it.
i wish you were here for me to tell you all of the reasons i love you again.
but i will.
in heaven.

i love you grams.
happy birthday.
you are my special little firecracker.
i waited for you on the fourth of july.
it was so very good to see you.

xoxo sweet and low, i love you.