it's 6:00 and i'm already drinking.

i have always wanted three kids close together.
i know, be careful what you wish for.
i never envisioned having three within sixteen months.

every day of my life i honestly think at least one time a day
"today might be the day i don't make it"
i don't know exactly what that means.
will i get swept away into some hole with all the other people who have this same thought?
maybe.
do sometimes i hope someone sweeps me away into said mysterious hole?
absolutely.
but sweep me away just for happy hour.
then i want to come back. kaythanks.

i used to have a good job.
i used to swindle people into buying appliances for a tad bit more than they wanted to spend.
but, just a tad bit, i always wanted them to get a great deal. winkwink.

now i have a better job
but the pay is less.
i don't get paid vacation.
i don't get any vacation.
i don't get raises or promotions.
and frankly, the hours suck.
although i have learned a lot these past two years it still amazes me how insane raising three kids so close in age can actually be.
i have decided that all twins aren't necessarily hard work.

but,
i can assure you my twins are.

and i don't remember what to do with a baby once she decides she doesn't love to sleep?
seriously.
what do you do?
bumbo for four minutes.
play on the floor for ten minutes.
jump in the jumper for six minutes.
then what?

and while that baby is on the floor, how do you make a one and a half year old understand that he can, indeed, hug his sister too hard.
i find this even more challenging being that i have instructed them to hug me as hard as possible prior to miss thang's arrival on the scene.
sheesh.

it's serious biznass around here.
not the kind i was once accustomed to, but, i can assure you,
serious.biznass.

where i used to spend my days talking about
margins, profits, coordinating deliveries and construction,

i now ask the same child four hundred sixty two thousand times a day to sit down in his or her high chair.

or tell them not to dive off the couch.

jumping? acceptable. diving? not.

unless there is something soft to land on.
diving is totally acceptable.

i swear to you people, i told matt i needed to check out for six minutes for blog therapy and i looked over and found this. right after i typed that.


around here we have riveting discussions as to why wipes cannot be used to clean household items or faces after they have wiped a booty.
our newest issue is the twins climbing out of the bath tub and diving back in. yes, diving.
i ask the boy twin not to whine so many times a day that i can't even think of a dramatic enough way to end this sentence to do it justice.
i think i use the word pee pee sixty two times a day. and it has three different definitions.
i ask the girl twin not to scream so may times a day that i literally want to punch a wall.
and now the boy twin wants to jump on that train and they try to out pitch one another.
really, it's awesome.

i have a friend who just had a baby and she put on "the book" today that she only had four hours of sleep last night.
i told her i felt her. and i do. stella is a hot mess these days.
she wrote back that she would lose her stuff if she was dealing with 3 on 4 hours of sleep. LOSE IT. she wrote that she has no idea how i do it.
the truth is, it's beautiful, my life.
oh
wait.
you've read this blog before?
you know that's not true?
you know i complain way too much?
you're right.
sometimes i need to just throw a pity party and invite all of you to celebrate with me.
it's your fault for rsvp'ing to the party.
the truth is? i don't do it. i lose it all the time.
i cry.
i clench my fists.
and i just move on.
what else are you supposed to do?
luckily, i have learned that losing it makes things worse for the twins.
so i typically go in a another room. and cry. and throw punches in the air.
and come out forcing some sort of psychotic smile hoping the twins don't sniff out my fear.

but the truth is? you only know what you know.
so one seems hard because she doesn't have two.
and three seems hard because i don't have four.
and women with triplets probably wish i would bite my tongue.
and i totally get that. and i welcome it.

oh! what about the duggars?
listen to me, people. when you have nineteen kids, the older kids help take care of the younger kids.
that's how you need to do it.
just have nineteen kids.


they say god only gives you what you can handle but i might have to argue a bit with the man.
i'm starting to think i can't handle.
ya hear that?
can't handle.

i know everyone says these times are fleeting.
and i will miss this.
and to be happy.
and smell the roses with a child on each hip.
but on days like today?
i will tell you that's bs.

thanks for reading complain post #7,395.
stay tuned for #7,396.
i'm sure it will be here tomorrow.