desperate houswives

today my husband came home to a
quiet
immaculate house.
the twins were fed and dressed. in real clothes.
the baby was sleeping.
christmas music was streaming through the house.
the washer was spinning and the dryer was humming.
dinner was taken care of.
i dropped ice cubes in matty's cocktail as soon as i heard him open the garage door.
and i was folding clothes.
in heels.

i know.
they don't make 'em like me anymore.

but,
i feel compelled to tell you,
technically twins had eaten.
yup.
i had just given them a cookie because i knew he was close to being home and it would keep them happy for at least four minutes.
the baby wasn't really sleeping but she was relatively quiet.
the cleaning ladies had left an hour earlier.
dinner taken care of? yup, we were eating at my sisters.
and the heels?
well, that was just a bold faced lie.
but the cocktail portion is true. except we had a glass of prosecco. so really it isn't true because no ice is needed.

::sidenote::
my grandma wood used to make a cocktail for my grandpa every day, keep it in the fridge and drop ice in it as soon as he walked through the door. true story.
i know, i want to be married to her, too.


truth be told i really thought this was how all of my days as a stay at home mom would go.
they were so beautiful in my mind while i was pregnant with the twins.
guess what, my friends, they just aren't.
they never are.

i thought we would
wake up.
play.
i would sip coffee laughing as the giggled through breakfast.
i would go to the gym.
they would nap.
i would iron.
we would bake.
and craft.
we would cook together every night.
and eat around the dining room table
there would be bubble baths and singing.
they would mosey off to bed.
matt and i would talk about our days over wine.
and then i would run over to whoevers house to gossip with the girls.
sounds right, right?

that's how lynette, gabby, susan and brie do it?
so glamorous.

i haven't seen the inside of a gym since before the twins were born.

i just can't keep up.
i don't know how people do it.
working
not working.
i don't care how you do it.
this parenting gig is no joke, people.

i make lists in my head and stuff just doesn't get done.
someone pees on the floor.
and while i'm cleaning that up someone has emptied the silverware drawer.

i could go on and on and on but i complain enough up in here.

my point is i have yet to figure out how to be a glamorous stay at home mom.
that doesn't mean i'm done trying.
but i know it's going to be a while with all these kids i tend to and what not.
maybe i'll start monday.
with baby steps.
like, i'll get out of my pajamas.

so glamorous, i know.

so no matter how you do it,
man
woman
single
married
one kid
four kids
working
not working
working from home
working full time
working part time.

you all get a high five from me.
keep up the good work, yo.

oh, and no, we don't have a cleaning lady.
my bestest friend carey was sweet enough to regift a groupon to me when stella was born.
because she's fancy.
and she actually has a cleaning lady.