and just like that.......

in one week, she is one.

there are so. so. so. so many pictures in this post but i just couldn't stop.

i want to remember you just like this.

forever.

you now eat with a spoon. 

actually, that is a lie. 

kind of.

you're about 50/50.

a lot of the time?

you just like to play with one.

tonight i asked you to be a monkey and you said "ewwww eww, eww ewww eww."

in a very high pitch. exactly like a monkey.

for real.

daddy heard it too.

 we now think you're so much smarter than the twins were at this age.
we have no idea what the twins could do at this age.
it just seems like you're too young to be that smart.

you're favorite word is "no."

shocker, right?

between your twins and me, you probably hear it 6,436 times a day.

you say it just like chloe.

this terrifies me.

i can't handle two of her.

i'm serious.

you have given me the greatest gift.

sleep.

finally.

for the past week and a half, you have slept from 7:30 - 8.

thank you.

thank you.

you are the toughest cookie i know.

you get beat the up on the reg. and you handle it.

it's impressive.

you are most definitely a mamma's girl.

me likey.

let's keep it that way.

food is a big deal to you.

that makes me happy.

i want you to appreciate it.

savor it.

and you do.

just like c&c.

as of now, affording to feed all of you for the next 18 years seems far more daunting than college.

your brother and sister are ridiculously in love with you.

they run in to your room every morning and say

"good  morning, baby."

my heart shatters into a million pieces every time.

i hope it stays that way forever.

your aunts and uncle are my best friends.

i want that for all of you, too.

in one week you will be one.

one year ago, at this very moment, i was watching my belly move.

i was wondering if it would be the last time, every time.

i was imagining you in one year.

what would you be like?

little did i know you would be one of "them" so soon.

that's right, you took off your diaper tonight.

thank goodness you walked right to the trash can to throw it away.

right when i thought i was in big trouble, you turned it around.

let's keep it that way, k?

mickey pawty, anna minnie pawty, too.

if you asked the twins about their birthday they would say:
"i una have a mickey pawty." and the other twin would say "anna minnie pawty, too."
or vice versa.

in fact, if you ask colton how old he is he says "mickey mouse."
this is what i've heard from those silly twins for the past month.
and boy did we have a mickey party. anna minnie party, too.

i started a long time ago.
because i wanted to craft. and i have three babies.
or, i had three babies.
up until friday.
now i have twin toddlers and a baby.

the twins are mildly obsessed with "mickey mouse clubhouse."
and when i say mildly, i mean not mildly.

so,
we settled on a mickey and minnie
"hot dog, hot dog, hot diggity dog party."

i knew i would have to get creative with their invites because surely my husband wouldn't let a bow ride on colton's invite.

and minnie couldn't get screwed and not get her bow, right?

so i took a chance.
and crossed my fingers that people would actually flip it over.

i told my mom what i wanted and she made it happen.
and i ran out of put together invites so i had to slap these together for a pic.

don't worry, i glued the real ones down and didn't send out these floppy looking ones.

voila.

we obviously had to have a dog maker.
i looked into renting one but after a little craigslist searchin' i am now the proud owner of one.
you're jealous, i know.

we made it extra classy by adding sauerkraut and chili.
what?
that doesn't make it classy?

i realized right when every one got there that i hadn't taken pictures so these are out of focus, rushed and not so great.

sigh.

i knew i should have done it earlier but, i mean, let's be honest, i had just started flat ironing my hair when people were arriving.

i pinned a paper chain pic on pinterest and decided i would use that for my backdrop.
time consuming?
yes.
pretty?
indeed.

our air conditioning broke the day before the party.
yup.
why wouldn't it.
so i was hot and mildly sweaty.

the twins are still talking about their pawty and they miss the "bow how" desperately.

every day they run outside and say "bow how, bow how."

poor babes.

next year. next year.

we had a blast.

i'll do a more in depth post about the deets and how i saved a bajillion dollars later.

or i probably won't.

but, know that i did save a bajillion dollars.

i two, too

two years ago i was in the doctors office hoping i was at least two centimeters dilated.
i wasn't.

i was thirty eight weeks and two days.
i would have to wait one more day to meet you. and to hold you. and to feel you. and to smell you.

two babies were in my belly and i was beyond ready to meet them.

two babies
divided my one heart
and those two babies stole it to have and to hold forever.

i have spent the last two years waching the two of you in amazement.

in thirty two hours, you will both be two.

you will never, ever know what you have done to me.
you bring me such raw and pure joy. you give me purpose. it is such a pleasure to love you.
and an honor to parent you.
even when you are up to no good.

we currently have the following conversations daily:
colton: "i havin a mickey party." chloe: "anna minnie party, too."
one twin: "inna snack." other twin: "inna snack, too."
one twin: "i luh you, mommy." one twin: "mommy, i luh you, too."


the two of you have such alluring spirits. you bring people in. you captivate them. and i love to watch you work your magic.

there are too many things i love about both of you for me to list here.

just know that i will love you. and i will support you forever. and there is nothing you could do to change that.


it is mind blowing to me how being blessed with life's
biggest
miracle can make you feel so
small.

being your mother is humbling.
it's beautiful
it's challenging.
it's the greatest thing i will ever know.
and i want to thank you for letting me be yours.

726

I have had 726 days to prepare for this.
In 4 days my twins will be 730 days old.

That's 2 years old for you non math majors.

726 days wasn't enough.

They are little people now.
Their gummy smiles are long gone and their mouths are full of teeth.
Their indescribable baby soft skin has been replaced with scrapes and bruises.
Their baby bald heads are full of hair.
Their little baby fingers are now their greatest tools for exploration. Or mischief, rather.
And their ridiculously fast feet are a close second.
The baby babble that used to flee their mouths has quickly morphed into adult-like sentences.

I know sometimes I give them a bad wrap
but,
they are my angel babies.
They are my heart.
They are my life.


At least their actual birthday is at 11:35 and 11:40 pm.
So they can be 1 all day Friday.

My stomach hurts knowing I am going to have to say they are 2 years old on Saturday.

Once Upon A Time

Once Upon A Time....

there was a girl.

She started a new school.

She was nervous.

On the third day she wore the most fly pair of white Guess jeans

with a vest

and a pair of  pointy toe laced up ankle boots.

She looked good.

And she knew it.

She walked up to the teacher's desk

in 5th period geometry

to turn in her test

and a boy said in front of the whole class

"you have something on your butt".

She was so embarrassed so she did what she does when she feels vulnerable.

Retaliates.

She smirked and said.

"why were you looking at my butt?"

Somehow it worked.

The class laughed.

She felt vindicated.

She promptly vowed to hate him for the rest of the year.

She didn't.

They started dating.

He played football.

She was a cheerleader.

He let her wear his favorite Slippery Rock University hat.

On his jet ski.

No one wore that hat but him.

It flew off.

She was scared.

She knew he'd be furious.

He wasn't mad.

After that, she knew she had him.

They went to prom.

They graduated and started college.

He stayed home.

She moved into a dorm.

He told her she would dump him to do the "college thing".

She said she wouldn't.

He was right.

She wanted to do the "college thing".

He cried.

She felt bad.

They stayed friends.

She moved to Tallahassee

Five years later she wanted to come home.

She called him.

She knew he would help.

He was always there for her.

He used his muscles to move her things.

She cooked him dinner.

They decided they would try again.

She fell.

He wasn't ready for forever.

He broke up with her.

She cried.

He felt bad.

She moved to Ocala for a  job.

He came to see her.

A lot.

She knew he'd be back eventually for good.

He was.

He offered his heart.

Forever.

She took it along with a very pretty ring.

They got married

On a boat.

They promised forever and sailed away.

She got pregnant

With twins.

They bought a house.

Renovated that house.

And got pregnant again all within a year.

I know,

she still gets tired thinking about it.

She gave birth to the twins.

A boy

and a girl.

They loved each other more

She gave birth to another girl.

They loved each other even more.

He works so hard and listens to her complain about staying home with her crazy kids that she love so much

knowing in his heart that there is no place she would rather be.

He never complains.

The days are long and tough but they're in love.

Happy Birthday, Matty.

Thank you for figuring out forever with me.

You are my rock, my life, my best friend and I am so very proud of you.

perfect

two months ago you were born.
to the minute.
i hit publish at 9:09.
i was holding you then. and i'm holding you now.
on my lap. as i type.

i titled this post "perfect".
this is the first word that comes to my mind when i think of you and your sweet face.
it's so typical, the word perfect.

this is you a few hours ago. on your two month birthday.

i googled "perfect synonyms" because it felt so meh.
i never use a thesaurus because i like the fact that when i write, it is a constant stream of consciousness.
it's how i feel
at the exact moment my fingers hit the keys.
rarely do i go back and change what i've written.
but you deserve something more than meh.
splendid almost won because it is prettier.
but it seemed too showy.
and it didn't pack the same punch as perfect. it's simple. it's just, well, a perfect word to describe you.

you are two months old today.
it seems like i was in the hospital waiting to meet you yesterday.
but, at the same time, i feel like we have gotten so close that it seems like you have been a piece of my heart for so long.

you sleep. you sleep so well.
you haven't made me tired one time.
but in all honesty, after the twins first year i don't think it would be possible to make me tired.
you poop once a week. on tuesdays (it's ok, i have talked to the dr.)
on monday you are kind of fussy but, i understand. it's because you need to poop.

you smile at me like i am the only person in your life and you steal another piece of my heart every single time.
you hear my voice and you flap your little wings and kick your little legs.

you make the cutest little sucking face while you are sleeping even though there is nothing in your mouth.

daddy loves your feet.
he can't get enough of your feet.
he called you amazing the other day.
for daddy, that's a big deal.
i tell you that every hour.
i hope you don't feel like it's inauthentic.

you tolerate the twins and you crack them up when you smile at them.
your brother is so in love with you.
he brings you blankees all the time.
it's precious.
your sister brings you pacys but mostly so she can take them back.
the first thing the twins do every morning is run around the house and say baby? baby! baby?
before you born they used to call for dada.
you replaced the morning "dada".
that's a big deal.

we forget about you.
you're so good we forget about you.
i did it the other day.
but when i remembered you, you were as happy as a clam.

you like classical music like your mama.
you relax when it comes on.

you fight your sleep like it is no ones business.
dada gets scared.
it does look kind of crazy.

i really can't think of one thing i would change about you.
you really couldn't be more perfect.

it has been two months and the jury is in.
we've decided we're going to keep you sweet stella.
you've become my favorite child.
i kid.

kind of.