just keep going

so.
matty and i got away this weekend.
for two nights.
and three days.
our friend got married and we made a weekend of it.
in a hotel.
for two nights alone.
and when i opened the door, there was a vase with hydrangea and white roses he'd had delivered.
to me, from him.
with a beautiful card.
well played, stratton, well played.

sunday we spent the day hangin over.
i got out of bed to eat oysters for brunch and wings for dinner.
that's it.
i slept in.
it was quiet.
we watched marathons of gems such as "billy the exterminator."
wait, what?
you don't watch it?
you're missing out.
billy is a beast.
it was quiet.
i didn't have to change any diapers.
i could close my eyes when i wanted to without fearing for my life.
or other peoples lives.

sound amazing?
it was.

it was just enough time away for me to crave my babies.
i missed stella's spit up smell.
i know, it was just as weird to write that than it is to read it.
weird, but true.
i missed chloe prancing on her tippy toes.
i missed my bubba's flailing arms as he runs.
i even missed hearing "mommy."


when i got home monday afternoon,
they napped.
still craving.
and they woke up.
and went to sleep for the night.
still craving.

and then they woke up on monday.
by 8:45 i was no longer craving.
in fact, i broke up with them.
all of them.

and it didn't help that my mom kept saying all weekend "they're just being such angels!"
part of me thought they had turned some corner. like, i would be coming home to good kids.

listen to me.
listen to me.
don't go on vacation without kids.
ever.
the risk does not outweigh the reward.
the long term suffering is not worth the short term peace.

just plow through.
all 18 years of it.

don't give yourself a chance to remember what it was like before kids.
to remember what complete freedom is.

matt and i stayed in bed and slept the entire trip.
i legit used to do that all weekend pre twins.
it's magical.

i woke up.
ate.
got back in bed.
watched lifetime.
ate.

the world was mine, baby.

now?
it's theirs.

but don't you fret.
before you get all judgy thinking i'm a terrible mother and i don't deserve my kids and such,
lemme tell you this.....
they were rather angelic today.
so we got back together.
in fact, we're serious.
so calm yourself.

i like to say they just missed me so much they didn't know how to handle my return.
i get it.

and mama, when i ask you to babysit in a couple of months because "we need to get away" disregard this blog, mkay?

oh, and i love and thank you so much for staying with my heart while i was gone.