Things I Learned Today

- Stella is not safe anywhere in this house unless I am within an arms reach. I repeat, not anywhere.
- Even if your child poops 30 seconds prior to you putting him/her down for a nap (in my case it was a her) rest assured he/she will do it again the minute you leave the room.
- He/she will then take off his/her clean diaper.
- And smear it everywhere.
- Today I learned that I actually learned the aforementioned a month or two ago but apparently I am a risk taker.
- I will no longer be a risk taker. They will go to bed in onsies. Always. Or at least until they can unsnap them.
- And be happy I didn't take pictures. Because I absolutely thought about it.

- I learned time out does nothing for my children. Not the first time. Not the seventy fourth time.
- I learned an impromptu dance party will improve, but not fix everyone's moods.
- Today I learned that one spoonful of peanut butter does not make everything better.
- Neither does four.
- Wine and a bubble bath however, does fix any and everything. I didn't learn that today.
- Today I learned that screaming at a child like a psycho out of sheer frustration can actually make things a lot worse.
- And you will most likely feel extremely guilty after you see the sadness in his/her eyes. In my case it was his.
- Today I learned that if Stella wasn't such a good sleeper that I would be committed to a mental institution for an indefinite amount of time.
- I also learned that you can absolutely get to a point where you can no longer cry out of anger.
- Today I learned I am not as stubborn as I thought.
- Or even worse, my children are more stubborn.
- I learned that mopping the floor in this house is pointless.
- Unfortunately my husband hasn't learned this yet.
- Today I learned that the strangest things will happen when you are unable to stop them. ie: your children will fill the bathtub, toss in a few diapers and clothing for good measure and sit in it fully clothed. This will happen while you have another baby on your boob sitting Indian Style and are unable to get up.
- I also learned that it makes me feel better to make said children wear the wet clothes for a while.

Mean? Yup, I know.

- Today I learned that when my children don't take naps listening to them scream in a fit of rebellion for an hour is almost worse than having no nap time at all.
- Today I learned that I can get to the point of actually questioning how dirty toilet water really is.
-  I also learned that I can justify pretty much anything. Like the cleanliness of toilet water. Can't be that bad. Especially if it can buy me three minutes to brush my teeth with no screaming.

Splash away guys, splash away.

- I learned that giving juice to your children for the first time at eighteen months as a desperate attempt to make them happy is extremely disappointing when it results in a lackluster response. It will just stain your furniture more than it already is. Especially if you opt for grape. And they will just ask for water.
- Today I learned my children will do such things, but not limited to, holding their breath until you actually question their safety and kicking to get what they want.
- Today, at times, I gave in.
- Today I learned "running" into a store for one or two things with three under 1 1/2 really sucks.
- I actually didn't learn that today but I figured while I was complaining......
-Today I learned the true meaning of the saying "you get it back tenfold".

Mom and Dad will you kindly remove the spell now?

- Today I learned that when you feel your weakest as a parent is when you need to be your strongest.

Thank God I learned a long time ago that we will go to bed.
We will all wake up tomorrow with clean slates.
And I will love them more than ever......at least for the first five minutes of the day.