stratton, party of four

believe it or not i have 4 blogs in draft that i have started to write this week.
i thought if i plowed through eventually at least one of them would come together.
obviously, they didn't.
so there they will sit until i am feeling them.
i need to blog about fathers day.
i need to blog about my fishees and how they are learning to swim.
i need to blog about the beautiful sprinkle my family and friend threw for this sweet baby girl who does gymnastics in my belly all night long.
but

all of those are happy things and i have been feeling so emo this week so i can't give them the vibe that i feel that they deserve.

the truth is this baby is coming soon.
like for real.
like 15 days soon.

and i am scared.

it is a weird feeling bringing another baby into your family when you have
two babies that are still,
well,
babies.
at least they are to me.
the twins turned 16 months last week.

i find myself being even more mamma bear and protective over the them now.
they have had me all to themselves for 16 months.
and colton is so needy.
such a mamma's boy.

i feel like we're bringing a puppy home.
you know you are going to love the puppy
and that the puppy will be a part of your family.
and you know in a few short days after that puppy is home you will be saying things like
"i just can't remember life before this puppy"
"this puppy is the greatest thing to happen to this family"
and
"with this puppy, our family feels complete"
but still, you can't help but wonder how it will be in the interim.
for the twins.
and to be honest,
for me.

i know it's me.
realistically,
i know the twins will be fine without me for a few days
but
i will miss them.
like a lot.
i get teary just thinking about how their life is going to be uprooted.
all while i'm not even there to hold them and tell them how my love for them won't change
in fact, it will grow watching them begin love my sweet pea as much as i do.
and i know even if i did get deep with them they wouldn't understand
and
that they wouldn't even sit still long enough for me to get the first sentence out.

but right now, i'm anxious about properly adjusting our lives to accommodate a third child.

the twins jump on me like i'm a playground apparatus (sorry baby number three)
and we won't be able to rough house for a while.
and i won't be able to throw them up in the air
or
run around and chase them.
and hello
i'm bringing home a new
baby
to stay.
and i'm going to have to be mean because i won't allow them to beat up on her for at least like 2 weeks.
by then i'll be too tired and she will just have to fend for herself.

and to make matters more difficult, my twinnies have been so good this week.
almost throwing it in my face like...

are you suuuuuure you want to stay in the hospital and leave us for days and bring home a new little girl

 for us to live with

forever?



i feel like there is more we should be doing together.

like qt stuff.

these are our last couple weeks as

stratton, party of four.

so i'm probably going to spoil them for the next two weeks.

like a lot.

maybe we'll have ice cream for breakfast one day.

maybe that will make me feel better.

i just love you sweet babies and trust me, another sibling is one of the greatest gifts you will ever receive.

i know,

i'm lucky to be one of five and they are my best friends.

all of them.

hang in there.

things will get back to normal.....well, our new normal shortly.

mommy loves you more than you know.

and p to the s,

dad, i know i said like a lot in this post but just go with it.

mmkay?